Well, this section is devoted to various funny, amusing as well as weird stories told by the people who're involved in metal underground this way or another. Enough introductions, just read on.

Andreas K. (The End Records, manager)

"Joke:
Three friends decide to rob into a bank. Late in the night they wear
their black masks and slowly manage to go past the security system and break in.  Much to their suprise instead of money the whole bank was filled with cream pies!  There were so many they couldn't see the end of them. After their first shock and dissapointment they decided that since they went through all this effort they might as well have some fun.  So they jumped it and started eating the cream pies like crazy, diving into them, swimming, throwing them at other, etc.  In fact, they ate so many they were about to throw-up. So they filled their bags with as many as they could and took off.
The next morning one of the guys woke up still dizzy from the excitement of the previous night.  He turns on the radio and it was the news.  In the news: "Breaking News!  Late last nigt it seems that three robbers broke into the Sperm Bank!" "

Anonymous:

"A few years back there was a band name ISAACARON which featured Kriss Hades of SADISTIK EXEKUTION as well 3 of the members of LORD KAOS (Lord of night summoning, Nigel and Incubus). Anyway there was a gig held at Shrine in Sydney which was a goth club back then. The metal scene back then used to be full of groupie chicks though it isn't these days.
ISAACARON played their set and afterwards Incubus picked up some hot woman and took her outside to his car where he was given a blowjob and "popped his cookies" in her mouth. Anyway she swallowed it and they went back into the gig. A few moments after she came back in she got onto Kriss and was french kissing him and shit. Kriss must of been thinking her saliva had a strange taste haha".

Oupire (Oupiric Productions, CRYPTHOWL and FESTERGUTS)

"On June 15th 2000 me and Sergey (FESTERGUTS, CRYPTHOWL) suffered a car accident on the way from Kaluga to Tula (Russia).
The aim of this journey was to shoot an interview of SIEGED MIND (death metal band from Tula) for Oupiric Slaughter Video which is scheduled on August 2000. Also there were 500 MCs of Oupiric Prods. in a car. A car turned over twice and fell down into the ditch. The doors became wedged and there was no way out... We realized that soon we’ll be burnt alive in a car. But we survived and what is more the
videocamera and MCs came off unhurt (except a one copy of DENIAL OF GOD MC). We turned over the car and continued our journey.
P.S.: Be careful on the road!"

Aphazel (ANCIENT)

"ANCIENT'S "The Cainian Chronicle" album of 1996 was brought up in the press in Finland in 1999 in a rather nasty context. There was lots and lots of press about a very brutal murder that took place in Hyvinkää (close to Helsinki) in late 1998.
Here goes the story:
In October 1998 a man's left leg was found on a dumping ground and naturally made headlines. The police started huge operations to find out the missing parts of the body and trying to find out what had happened. Only clue they had was the leg. Sometime after that newspapers said that the police had arrested three people suspected of the murder and that had been some indications of Satan worshipping. Police kept thing pretty quiet at that time. In April 1999 the incident came back to headlines when the case went to court and the three youngsters were charged with the murder and some details of the murder were published. The trial was ordered to be kept behind closed doors and all the investigation material and court records were declared confidential for the next forty years. Only the first indictment trial was open for public and press. In that trial the prosecutor re-veiled some general details of the murder including torturing, mutilation, necrophilia and cannibalism.
In the newspapers one could read the following after the first trial: "A 23 yrs old man was tortured and killed by three of his friends - aged 23, 20 and 17. The youngest one of the pack is a girl. The victim was tortured, mutilated (with scissors) and eventually killed. After he was killed the threesome cut of the victims head and limbs and removed some his internal organs, including the victims heart, totally chopping him up. And on top that - as unbelievable as it sounds - they actually ate some some parts of the body. The all three murderers are openly satan worshippers and black metal fans. And one of them (the primus motor of the murder) has a criminal record, which includes an attempted church burning among other stuff."
Obviously this murder was on all the frontpages and there was lots of press about satanism and stuff. Naturally black metal music was mentioned.
One of the major Finnish afternoon newspapers had a full spread story about a CD that the three murderers had been listening to before and during the killing according to police investigations. This CD as you have propably already figured out is the above mentioned ANCIENT album. The newspaper story had a big picture of the CD's cover, quotations of the lyrics and some details about the band and it's members. The story also had some background information about black metal's history.
In August 1999 the three guilty ones got their sentences in court. The main responsible was sentenced to the maximum penalty - 21 years in jail, while the two others got rather low penalties."

Erebos (CHAOS DIVINE):

"It's a bit hard to recall anything, perhaps with an exception for that "Anxious Dream" story... I've already told you about that while you was interviewing me, but anyway here it is once again:
It was late at night when I was sitting near my stereo, trying to find some frequencies which could suit me… I mean the “sounds” made by “empty” frequencies. And then, suddenly, I heard something that definitely couldn’t be categorized as pure noise. More likely, a “soundtrack to the movie telling of starship’s repairing process”, as you said in your review. It was definitely mystic-sounding, so I immediately began to record it. When it was lasting for more than 20 minutes, I got tired and decided to change the frequency and there was nothing I’ve found. So in the end I “went” back expecting to hear that “soundtrack” still being heard… but there was just nothing. Silence. Being a bit embarassed, I was searching and searching again for various noises… about an hour passed and there was nothing suitable I’ve discovered, so in the end, before falling asleep, I tuned the same “soundtrack” frequency – and there was it again! Actually, I still don’t know what radio station has air on that frequency. Nor do I know what the “soundtrack” really was. When I tried to check out what the hell is going on there few days later, silence was the only sound I’ve heard again. So that’s the story."

Orkkh (formerly one of the VAE SOLIS crew):

"I've got this joke in the mail and liked it:
What is a cat?
1) Cats do what they want.
2) They rarely listen to you.
3) They're totally unpredictable.
4) They whine when they are not happy.
5) When you want to play, they want to be alone.
6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7) They expect you to cater to their every whim.
8) They're moody.
9) They leave hair everywhere.
10) They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.
Conclusion: They're tiny little women in fur coats."